i'm gonna step out of this.
Bought new specs and new cd today.
my fave song for now.
A new way of singing by khalil fong.
NOTHING'S GONNA CHANGE MY LOVE FOR YOU (Glenn Medeiros)
If I had to live my life without you near me
The days would all be empty
The nights would seem so long
With you I see forever oh so clearly
I might have been in love before
But it never felt this strong
Our dreams are young
And we both know they'll take us
Where we want to go
(Chorus 1) Hold me now
Touch me now
I don't want to live without you
(Chorus 2) Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
One thing you can be sure of
I'll never ask for more than your love
(Chorus 3) Nothing's gonna change my love for you
You ought know by now how much I love you
The world may change my whole life through
But nothing's gonna change my love for you
If the road ahead is not so easy,
Our love will lead the way for us
Like a guiding star
I'll be there for you if you should need me
You don't have to change a thing
I love you just the way you are
So come with me and share the view
I'll help you see forever too
Nice.
A new way of singing,
a new way of looking at things,
Totally different feelings to it.
Nice song.
Monday, August 24, 2009
??!
I can't believe this is happening.
So ironic.
Kinda disappointing.
But heck.
It's just a passing phase.
Everything will be normal..
I'll make it normal.
It's scary how time passes
So ironic.
Kinda disappointing.
But heck.
It's just a passing phase.
Everything will be normal..
I'll make it normal.
It's scary how time passes
Friday, August 21, 2009
feedback
I know i complain a lot.
I should stop doing so.
No matter how irritated, pissed, disheartened and pessimistic about certain things.
It only marks the start of a circle with positive feedback.
Things only gets worse.
I should stop indulging myself in self pity.
but nonetheless.
I'm quite irked by things easily
esp things that happen in school.
I should stop doing so.
No matter how irritated, pissed, disheartened and pessimistic about certain things.
It only marks the start of a circle with positive feedback.
Things only gets worse.
I should stop indulging myself in self pity.
but nonetheless.
I'm quite irked by things easily
esp things that happen in school.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
changes
I slept for about 7 houts in the past 2 days.
Kinda drained.
Anyway,
i'm seriously starting to doubt myself.
What i stand for,
what i claim to believe in.
I really think i'm becoming very hypocritical.
Either that,
Or i just have low EQ.
I won't be surprised if there are many people who dislikes me.
But i just can't bring myself to joke and laugh about matters when someone is being difficult to me and i'm not in the right state of mind to joke.
And i realise i dun hesitate to show my displeasure when i am in a rather un-jovial mood.
I realise i start to doubt a lot of things, events, happenings, people, intentions.
Even though they might nt be bad, but i just tend to think about it in a bad light,
and then start to think about how to protect myself.
I am in such a selfish, self protective mode almost everyday.
But if i don't, i feel so at risk.
i don't know why i'm feeling like this.
But i just do.
I now it's not good to be selfish, to doubt other's gd intentions, to think that everyone is up to something, to think that everyone does things with an agenda, with a motive.
I know i shouldnt' be thinking like that.
But i can't help but notice this change.
It frightens me more than anything else.
I realise as we age,
we lose our faith and trust in things, people,
we lose the ability to create humor,
to laugh at ourselves,
to be selfless.
And what we gain is cynicism,distrust,selfishness.
I don't want to be like that.
I will never want to be.
I won't be.
Kinda drained.
Anyway,
i'm seriously starting to doubt myself.
What i stand for,
what i claim to believe in.
I really think i'm becoming very hypocritical.
Either that,
Or i just have low EQ.
I won't be surprised if there are many people who dislikes me.
But i just can't bring myself to joke and laugh about matters when someone is being difficult to me and i'm not in the right state of mind to joke.
And i realise i dun hesitate to show my displeasure when i am in a rather un-jovial mood.
I realise i start to doubt a lot of things, events, happenings, people, intentions.
Even though they might nt be bad, but i just tend to think about it in a bad light,
and then start to think about how to protect myself.
I am in such a selfish, self protective mode almost everyday.
But if i don't, i feel so at risk.
i don't know why i'm feeling like this.
But i just do.
I now it's not good to be selfish, to doubt other's gd intentions, to think that everyone is up to something, to think that everyone does things with an agenda, with a motive.
I know i shouldnt' be thinking like that.
But i can't help but notice this change.
It frightens me more than anything else.
I realise as we age,
we lose our faith and trust in things, people,
we lose the ability to create humor,
to laugh at ourselves,
to be selfless.
And what we gain is cynicism,distrust,selfishness.
I don't want to be like that.
I will never want to be.
I won't be.
School
SO much work piling up.
Gosh i feel so suffocated.
Anyway, a comment to share.
From a friend many years ago when we were discussing about r/s during NE lesson.
" Be in love because you love the person, not because you love the feeling of being loved."
Something so true,
but yet many fail to understand.
A fine line drawn.
It's up to us how detailed we want to be.
Gosh i feel so suffocated.
Anyway, a comment to share.
From a friend many years ago when we were discussing about r/s during NE lesson.
" Be in love because you love the person, not because you love the feeling of being loved."
Something so true,
but yet many fail to understand.
A fine line drawn.
It's up to us how detailed we want to be.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Last thursday
"Many people are dying to get in here. If you don't want, you can leave."
Something my prof said to my class last thursday.
It struck me.
Something my prof said to my class last thursday.
It struck me.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
:)
" The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know" - Blaise Pascal
Found this somewhere.
It's kinda true isn't it?
Many times we don't think logically and yet we question ourselves why are we thinking like that.
Sometimes we know there is something to be done, but we don't do it, and then we ask ourselves why.
We may know the reason for doing so, but we ask ourselves why.
There is often no logical reason to many things.
It's what we think, what we see, hear and feel.
:)
Found this somewhere.
It's kinda true isn't it?
Many times we don't think logically and yet we question ourselves why are we thinking like that.
Sometimes we know there is something to be done, but we don't do it, and then we ask ourselves why.
We may know the reason for doing so, but we ask ourselves why.
There is often no logical reason to many things.
It's what we think, what we see, hear and feel.
:)
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Weekend.
It's been a nice weekend.
Doing nothing much.
but yea, starting to feel a bit guilty about it.
Anyway,
school tomorrow.
hai. :)
i'll miss the weekend.
I wonder how's the plane ride to Montreal for regina.
Doing nothing much.
but yea, starting to feel a bit guilty about it.
Anyway,
school tomorrow.
hai. :)
i'll miss the weekend.
I wonder how's the plane ride to Montreal for regina.
Friday, August 7, 2009
A super lousy day
Alright,
I had a bad day.
1.Patient decided not to come for dental treatment today. She's most probably never going to come back. And i am like halfway to finishing up her master impression to start the wax block to do her denture.
2. Had to call in another patient at the very last minute. And that includes checking my denture design, mounting up my primary casts and getting them checked.
3. Got a grade 2 for all my denture assignments (4 is the best, 3 is the usual grade). I got 2. and many of them. shitty.
4. Tried to take impressions for my patient. Only for one jaw. Tok me AN HOUR and i still couldn't get it. My assessor took for me. Oh well, It sat there for a while ( most prob have some distortion by then when i poured the stone.) Had a hard time from the assessor. Wasn't scolded, but i am sure she thinks i'm the lousiest student she's ever seen.
5. When i was pouring the stone, it set prematurely. I had to wash out the stone and guess what, it has hardened. SO bo bian, need to remove carefully under running water. Impression material most probably absorbed water by then. DISTORTION
6. Placed it on the bench top and went to get the stone powder. Partner walks in and knocks it onto the floor accidentally. Impression = 100% distortion and confirm gone by now. I don't blame her actually, cos inside my heart i knew it's gonna distort no matter what, and what she did most probably makes no big difference. She's my lab partner and i still think she's the most fabulous person in the class. without her i bet i'll be worse than shit in lab and clinics.
The worse of it all, it's my master impresson aka, working impression which i'm working on. so it needs to be accurate or else the denture made using it will not fit the patient well.
And guess what, i didn't take the facebow record due to lack of time and am told to go straight to fitting stage.
So it only means something.
a. everything goes well, trial wax denture fits well, everything is fine. tooth shade, tooth mould is well. all ok. sui sui.
b. after i've set the teeth up in wax ( which involves many other tedious steps that take eons to complete), it is unstable and rocks. GG. Scrape everything, retake impression, start all over again from 0.
And it's 90% the latter. I'll just pray hard.
7. Tried to trim some metal pins on ym pindex cast. Carborundrum ( carbon like disc which is as coarse as sand paper, but harder) disc slips while i'm stepping on the drill. Zap, and it cut my nail cum a bit of my nail bed.
Ouch. But heck. continue to do lab work.
How bad can my day be man. i seriously wonder. But sometimes, in dental school, we always believe that we have our good and our bad days. Good days are when everything goes SUPER smoothly and bad days are when what ever can go wrong, goes wrong.
Worse of it all, i feel so bad towards my patient, cos it's not comfortable for her to go through so many retakes. And it's definitely not her fault that the impression distorted. It is my fault and yet she has to bear the costs.
What a lousy day. hai.
Nvm, i'll make sure tomorrow's better.
I had a bad day.
1.Patient decided not to come for dental treatment today. She's most probably never going to come back. And i am like halfway to finishing up her master impression to start the wax block to do her denture.
2. Had to call in another patient at the very last minute. And that includes checking my denture design, mounting up my primary casts and getting them checked.
3. Got a grade 2 for all my denture assignments (4 is the best, 3 is the usual grade). I got 2. and many of them. shitty.
4. Tried to take impressions for my patient. Only for one jaw. Tok me AN HOUR and i still couldn't get it. My assessor took for me. Oh well, It sat there for a while ( most prob have some distortion by then when i poured the stone.) Had a hard time from the assessor. Wasn't scolded, but i am sure she thinks i'm the lousiest student she's ever seen.
5. When i was pouring the stone, it set prematurely. I had to wash out the stone and guess what, it has hardened. SO bo bian, need to remove carefully under running water. Impression material most probably absorbed water by then. DISTORTION
6. Placed it on the bench top and went to get the stone powder. Partner walks in and knocks it onto the floor accidentally. Impression = 100% distortion and confirm gone by now. I don't blame her actually, cos inside my heart i knew it's gonna distort no matter what, and what she did most probably makes no big difference. She's my lab partner and i still think she's the most fabulous person in the class. without her i bet i'll be worse than shit in lab and clinics.
The worse of it all, it's my master impresson aka, working impression which i'm working on. so it needs to be accurate or else the denture made using it will not fit the patient well.
And guess what, i didn't take the facebow record due to lack of time and am told to go straight to fitting stage.
So it only means something.
a. everything goes well, trial wax denture fits well, everything is fine. tooth shade, tooth mould is well. all ok. sui sui.
b. after i've set the teeth up in wax ( which involves many other tedious steps that take eons to complete), it is unstable and rocks. GG. Scrape everything, retake impression, start all over again from 0.
And it's 90% the latter. I'll just pray hard.
7. Tried to trim some metal pins on ym pindex cast. Carborundrum ( carbon like disc which is as coarse as sand paper, but harder) disc slips while i'm stepping on the drill. Zap, and it cut my nail cum a bit of my nail bed.
Ouch. But heck. continue to do lab work.
How bad can my day be man. i seriously wonder. But sometimes, in dental school, we always believe that we have our good and our bad days. Good days are when everything goes SUPER smoothly and bad days are when what ever can go wrong, goes wrong.
Worse of it all, i feel so bad towards my patient, cos it's not comfortable for her to go through so many retakes. And it's definitely not her fault that the impression distorted. It is my fault and yet she has to bear the costs.
What a lousy day. hai.
Nvm, i'll make sure tomorrow's better.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My life now.
I think being a dental student has got no life.
Lessons from 8 to 1. Lunch from 1 to 2. Lessons from 2 to 5.
And not forgetting,
we need to stay back to finish up our technique work,
our lab work for our patients.
There is no time allocated for us to do our labwork for our patients,
Thus it only means that either we come early( which is not really possible cos they lock up the doors),
or we stay back in school.
Even when fridays end at 1pm.
But the sad thing is,
Lectures are so short, they don't cover much.
And we need to know stuff from year 1 to year 4.
But we don't have superb memory,
Thus,
we need to revise at our own time.
That is, when we reach home, during our weekends and whenever we have the time.
But sometimes,
We have lunchtime talks, lunchtime lectures.
And that means...
Lessons non-stop form 8 to 5pm,
Then lab work till 730 or 8.
I seriously think they assume that we feed on wires, acrylic resin, monomer, stone, plaster of paris, waxes and what not.
Yes,
that includes building a crown from drops of waxes, making dentures and bridges, ortho retainers etc etc.
Back home,
we need to read our patient files,
read up about our procedures, and revise stuff relevant about that patient.
Sometimes due to time constraint,
we bring our lab work home.
That's why we all have bunsen burners, waxes and what not at home.
And we need to look for our patients,
Call them up,settle their admin work.
And not forgetting the FYP research project due next march.
And sometimes patients do go MIA, or they just tell you last min they can't make it.
So there goes a precious clinical session and that = delay in work.
On top of that,
the multiple learning issues from assessors,
the tests,
the tutorials,
the attitude the staff give you.
Hai..
I'm not feeling sore about this.
Just that i need more understanding from people,
cos i always say that i'm not free etc.
I know certain people casts doubts whenever i say i'm busy.
But this is the truth.
And i'm starting to feel sore about it as i talk somemore.
Cos right now...
I need to read up on
Diabetes,
Hypertension
Lorsartan,
Metformin,
Glibenclamide,
Atenolol,
Nerve blocks.
For my patients tomorrow.
And before my week ends,
I better get my impression for denture ready, if not i won't be able to finish my stuf on time this year.
There's so much more to do..
So much so much..
I need MORE TIME.
Lessons from 8 to 1. Lunch from 1 to 2. Lessons from 2 to 5.
And not forgetting,
we need to stay back to finish up our technique work,
our lab work for our patients.
There is no time allocated for us to do our labwork for our patients,
Thus it only means that either we come early( which is not really possible cos they lock up the doors),
or we stay back in school.
Even when fridays end at 1pm.
But the sad thing is,
Lectures are so short, they don't cover much.
And we need to know stuff from year 1 to year 4.
But we don't have superb memory,
Thus,
we need to revise at our own time.
That is, when we reach home, during our weekends and whenever we have the time.
But sometimes,
We have lunchtime talks, lunchtime lectures.
And that means...
Lessons non-stop form 8 to 5pm,
Then lab work till 730 or 8.
I seriously think they assume that we feed on wires, acrylic resin, monomer, stone, plaster of paris, waxes and what not.
Yes,
that includes building a crown from drops of waxes, making dentures and bridges, ortho retainers etc etc.
Back home,
we need to read our patient files,
read up about our procedures, and revise stuff relevant about that patient.
Sometimes due to time constraint,
we bring our lab work home.
That's why we all have bunsen burners, waxes and what not at home.
And we need to look for our patients,
Call them up,settle their admin work.
And not forgetting the FYP research project due next march.
And sometimes patients do go MIA, or they just tell you last min they can't make it.
So there goes a precious clinical session and that = delay in work.
On top of that,
the multiple learning issues from assessors,
the tests,
the tutorials,
the attitude the staff give you.
Hai..
I'm not feeling sore about this.
Just that i need more understanding from people,
cos i always say that i'm not free etc.
I know certain people casts doubts whenever i say i'm busy.
But this is the truth.
And i'm starting to feel sore about it as i talk somemore.
Cos right now...
I need to read up on
Diabetes,
Hypertension
Lorsartan,
Metformin,
Glibenclamide,
Atenolol,
Nerve blocks.
For my patients tomorrow.
And before my week ends,
I better get my impression for denture ready, if not i won't be able to finish my stuf on time this year.
There's so much more to do..
So much so much..
I need MORE TIME.
US
I'm going to the US.
Short period.
Exchange.
Have been looking forward to it since year 1.
But now,
I have no feelings about it.
Just calmness.
Somehow i'm going with pp i'm not close to.
ANd i tink i need to adjust myself for that.
US.
North carolina.
Short period.
Exchange.
Have been looking forward to it since year 1.
But now,
I have no feelings about it.
Just calmness.
Somehow i'm going with pp i'm not close to.
ANd i tink i need to adjust myself for that.
US.
North carolina.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Bring it on.
I want to be a university student again.
I want to enjoy going to the library, studying and reading on my own.
I want to enjoy taking the bus becos that's how it's supposed to be.
I want to carry my bag and an additional textbook in my hand.
I want to listen to ipod when i travel.
I want to live just lie an ordinary student.
I want to do well and be a responsible student.
But i also want to be a junior dentist.
I want to be like my profs.
I want to be professional.
I want to do as well as a professional dentist.
It all sounds too ideal.
But i will try.
Heh..
7 terms and 5 weeks to the end of the race.
Bring it on.
I want to do the best in all my clinical and assignments.
I want to enjoy going to the library, studying and reading on my own.
I want to enjoy taking the bus becos that's how it's supposed to be.
I want to carry my bag and an additional textbook in my hand.
I want to listen to ipod when i travel.
I want to live just lie an ordinary student.
I want to do well and be a responsible student.
But i also want to be a junior dentist.
I want to be like my profs.
I want to be professional.
I want to do as well as a professional dentist.
It all sounds too ideal.
But i will try.
Heh..
7 terms and 5 weeks to the end of the race.
Bring it on.
I want to do the best in all my clinical and assignments.