changes

I slept for about 7 houts in the past 2 days.

Kinda drained.

Anyway,

i'm seriously starting to doubt myself.

What i stand for,

what i claim to believe in.

I really think i'm becoming very hypocritical.

Either that,

Or i just have low EQ.

I won't be surprised if there are many people who dislikes me.

But i just can't bring myself to joke and laugh about matters when someone is being difficult to me and i'm not in the right state of mind to joke.

And i realise i dun hesitate to show my displeasure when i am in a rather un-jovial mood.

I realise i start to doubt a lot of things, events, happenings, people, intentions.

Even though they might nt be bad, but i just tend to think about it in a bad light,

and then start to think about how to protect myself.

I am in such a selfish, self protective mode almost everyday.

But if i don't, i feel so at risk.

i don't know why i'm feeling like this.

But i just do.

I now it's not good to be selfish, to doubt other's gd intentions, to think that everyone is up to something, to think that everyone does things with an agenda, with a motive.

I know i shouldnt' be thinking like that.

But i can't help but notice this change.

It frightens me more than anything else.

I realise as we age,

we lose our faith and trust in things, people,

we lose the ability to create humor,

to laugh at ourselves,

to be selfless.

And what we gain is cynicism,distrust,selfishness.

I don't want to be like that.

I will never want to be.

I won't be.