viva tml

Holy Molly,

i've got oral bio distinction viva tomorrow.

Must be kidding me.

Was praying so hard not to get it.

Gonna make a fool out of myself tml.

sia la

bitch

I flopped the biochem viva.

i am just so so so disappointed with myself.

I bet the profs must have been so disappointed too.

Could see them breaking out in cold sweat at some of my answers.

hai.

I am so disappointed with myself.

Worked so hard for it.

Flopped it at the last lap.

Freaking frustrated with myself.

I'm such a bitch.

my song

suddenly, i felt like composing a song.

Sung along with this "row row row ur boat" tune

Mug, mug, mugger toad,

Mugging in library.

Muggerly, muggerly muggerly.

As happy as can be.

haha.

pardon me.

Disappointment

I didn't get the physio viva and i really don't think i will get the oral bio viva too.

Well, it's a little disappointing by no means...

But i guess i've really tried my best and i really shouldn't ask for too much.

Well, must learn to " Na de qi, fang de xia".

Life has to go on no matter what, and it's not as if i'm in extinction viva, so i should be happy at least that i didn't do soo badly till i actually become one of the border line cases.

But still,

I can't help but feel disappointed.

How i wish i am as smart as the GEP-pers or the R people.

Heh.

Forget it la.

Got 2 viva is better than nothing

Welcome the holidays

I am finally having my break.

After such a long time.

Went to vivo with regina and gosh.. i feel that the world has changed so much while i was mugging away fervently. Things have changed, the world has moved on. To come to think about it.. i was home since last monday, and stepped out of my premises only for 2 hrs on sunday and then it was exams all the way. As i count the amount of money that i've actually spent for these 2 weeks while i was mugging away, it's an alarming sum.

$5.70. That is excluding the fact that i spent an additional $32.60 AFTER my exams at vivo just now. That includes food for your info.

Sometimes i feel that i don't mug hard enough, i lack the drive. But this isn't the thing that i always hear from others. Sometimes i feel that i need to get a life, but i just can't seem to permit myself to indulge in these " luxuries".

I wonder what i would have felt if my effort is not being rewarded in terms of results. It would have been so disappointing.

But i suppose it's this period of time that i get really touched.

By the care and the concern that people have shown towards me, though i know i've been mugging and not giving them enough of my time that they deserve.

My parents have suffered the most.

But still, i'm really happy i have such great parents. My mom would actually stay with me and sleep in my room while i study, sometimes all the way till 1 am. Giving me food, brewing tonics for me, asking me to rest every now and then, checking to see whether i am alright.... and just so many things which she did really made me so happy to have come into this world.

There are many occasions when i really felt like giving up. It was tough, with the amount of workload to cover and the amount of time given. It was tiring and draining.

But i am glad i pulled through. And i am so happy to have so many people encouraging me all the way, with special credit to my cousins and ash (S19, you all dun come and create scandal ah).

And after such a long time, i'm relieved and glad to say that i've found friends in my fac. They are nice people, perhaps i was just too engaged with the negative aspects that i neglected the good ones back then. Life is going to be so much more enjoyable and bearable with them around now.

Actually to come to think about it.. I've been kinda detached from the outside world. Man..... i actually felt a little weird walking in science today after like erm....... i dunno how long.

I would really like to have my holidays started early. But then... I seriously hope i can do well for my viva this coming week. It's been a tiring journey to get the chance to go for the 20 minutes viva. I need to do well.

It's the one and only chance that i have in my life to prove to them that i am worthy of that distinction. And also a prove to myself that all the effort i've put in is worth it.

I'm proud to tell myself that i've worked hard. Whether or not the results for the other 2 subjects are going to turn out well, i'm happy that i did not waste my year 1 away.

It's been tough trying to get in and i won't allow anything to happen that will put me in jeopardy. It's too hefty a price to pay.

Still, thanks to all of you staying tuned.

Yes.. my holidays are coming. though not the standard 3 months but a meager 5 weeks, it's better than nothing at all.

Welcome the holidays!!!

Viva 2

Just took my Anat Viva in school.

Hmm i guess i lacked a little confidence. I really hope everything goes well and smoothly.

And i am happy to say..

I've got biochem viva this coming tues.

Wish me luck.

:)

Finally

Finally....

It's all over.

Stress, frustration...

All just seem to go away the minute Oral Bio ended.

Good news..

I've got ANATOMY VIVA!!!

Bad news.. it's tomorrow.

Not enough time to mug for it.

Nightmare

When stress level builds up..

It get scary.

I get scared.

I just wish that the nightmare will be over soon.

..

It's scary to look at how much i have to remember and understand.

I hope i can make it through.

Already, i'm having problems trying to remember my work from last semester.

Even biochem..

Jia lat.

I know the others are working so darn hard.

And i look at myself.

Disappointment.

10 more days

I'm so dead.

I couldn't even remember like 50% of the things i've read and learnt.

I'm so screwed up.

10 more days.

I need my drive back.

I need the motivation.

I need the fighting spirit.

What's going on.

Tell me what to do

I'm feeling so.........

I lack drive, i lack the motivation.

Where's my fighting spirit?

I'm like just hoping to pass my exams.

Giving myself a lot of excuses to slack and NOT mug.

This is not right.

Not when the exams are 11 days away.

Somehow i do try, but nothing much gets in, concentration is low, memory is bad.

Nothing much is retained even after i've studied.

It's like " LI4 BU4 CHONG2 XIN1"

What is wrong.

Where is KY from sem 1?

I need to get my fighting spirit back.

I need to be more determined

I need more productivity and efficiency.

I need more time.

I'm feeling so guilty and so sinful now.

The test is tomorrow and i am still blogging.

Tell me what to do...

...

Anyway, here's something i read.

Something so close to everyone, something which we must all face one day.

Earlier for some, later for the others.

Mine's the former. I don't know about yours.

But no matter what, it's all something we have to be mentally prepared for.

PARENT'S WISHhttp://parentswish.com

To our dear child,

On the day when you see us old, weak and weary,Have patience and try to understand us.

If we get dirty when eating, If we can not dress on our own, Please bear with us and remember the timesWe spent feeding and dressing you up.

If, when we speak to you, We repeat the same things over and over again, Do not interrupt us. Listen to us.When you were small, We had to read to you thousand and one timesThe same story until you went to sleep.

When we do not want to have a shower, Neither shame nor scold us.Remember when we had to chase you With your thousand excuses to get you to the shower.

When you see our ignorance on new technologies, Help us navigate our way through those world wide webs.

We taught you how to do so many things,To eat the right foods, to dress appropriately, To fight for your rights.

When at some moment we lose the memory Or the thread of our conversation, Let us have the necessary time to remember.And if we can not, do not become nervous,As the most important thing is not our conversation, But surely to be with you and to have you listening to us.

If ever we do not want to eat, do not force us. We know well when we need to and when not to.
When our tired legs give way And do not allow us to walk without a cane, Lend us your hand. The same way we did,When you first tried your faltering steps.

And when someday we say to you,That we do not want to live any more. That we want to die! Do not get angry. Some day you will understand.

Try to understand that our age is not lived but survived.

Some day you will realize that, despite our mistakes, We always wanted the best thing for you And we tried to prepare the way for you.

You must not feel sad, angry nor ashamed For seeing us near you. Instead, try to understand us and help us Like we did when you were young.

Help us to walk. Help us to end our way with love and dignity. We will pay you by a smile and by the immense love We have always had for you in our heart.

We love you child,

Mom and Dad

i really don't know what to do

Took a look at the TYS for oral biolody.

Holy holy.

I can't even answer like 5 % of the questions there.

Some are asking me stuff which i don't even recall learning or even hearing before.

Bad thing is..

Oral bio lectures are always in a rush.

Prof's are like talking greek, their notes are like merely brief summaries.

And what ever they say during the lectures are too brief, too disorganised, too little.

And i suspect that the amount taught in class is barely enough for me to manage a pass, since i cannot write well.

Main problem lies in the questions which are asking for so much information, cos the scope is so wide and the questions AREN'T specific at all.

Write short notes? --> how short?
Write briefly--> how brief?
Describe--> in detail or what, include everything or what, which process do you want?

THe main thing is.. the things which i read from the textbook( which they keep asking us to refer to) are too much.

And that blody textbook keeps talking about things which are still under research and not conclusive, and the language is so chim when what they are trying to explain is so...........

Man. I bet they're trying to make themselves sound more pro than the other authors.

Shall take it as a challenge.

Bad thing is..

I have so many challenges now.

Anat, biochem, physio

argh

how how how?

I'm so busy. i'm so stressed up.

i can hardly bring myself to sleep cos every minute spend sleeping is a minute lost mugging.

i'm drinking coffee and tea more than water.

proper meals are reduced to bread, maggi mee and what not FAST food, unless it's cooked by someone else and that there're no queues etc.

I hate lunch time crowds. waste of time to queue for food.

not going everywhere without the papers.

having dinner in my room and not at the table.

making library my home.

my home a hostel.

Although i only slept from 9 am to 1 pm on sunday since saturday 10 am..

I am having the urge to do a all-night long just to mug.........

i really don't know what to do.

i put in so much effort.

but i think i'm such a goner this time round.

i really don't know how to continue.

Cross junction

It's weird how certain thoughts and emotions left buried for a long long time gets unraveled suddenly.

Certain memories, certain events, certain people, certain experiences.

Either good or bad.

Just can't help but think of the past.

Just for this once,

If i could ever go back again...

I would not have done what i did.

Perhaps i should have given myself a chance to be myself.

To stop trying so hard.

To stop being so eccentric.

Perhaps then,

the outcome would have been different.

The result being more desirable.

Instead of coming back to become dust all over again.

Perhaps, that's how life's suppose to be.

Cross junctions are everywhere.

Some, you just cross and forget.

Others... you never will.

I suppose somethings come only once in your life.

Once gone, forever gone.

Help

I cannot believe it.

Oral Biology is this coming thursday and 10 days later is my 1st EXAM?!!!!

THAT.. is TOOO SOON.

Oh no.

No time left.

Help

Help

Help.

Oh my oh my.

Alright.

This came as a shock.

I'm not being a hypocrite or what.

But i did not bad for my spots which i was fretting etc.

It's like.

OMG?!

Sure or not.

I shan't be complacent. I cannot be.

Need to work harder too.

Tell me what to do

Somehow i don't feel right.

My brain seems to be so loaded with stuff. i can't really remember what i've learnt or read.

That means i've got to read some stuff at least 2 times before i can register it.

That's so worrying.

And i realise i have a problem of not knowing what to write for exams because some questions are so vague and i have absolutely no idea where to start and what to write, what depth is required and the breadth to cover as well.

Typical qns for oral bio:

Write short notes on......
Briefly describe....
Write briefly....

And i feel my stress level going up.

Which can only mean bad things.. I work extremely badly in times of stress. esp when it comes to mugging.

I can't study efficiently at home. But i have the problem of not being able to wake up in time to go library. Furthermore.. I'm a slow learner and short term memory.

How?

Help.

Worrying. Panicking.

I really don't know what to do.

A mountain waiting for me.

But i don't know what should i do.

I don't want A level monster to appear again.

Hai.

Time is running out. Morale is running low. Stress levels running high.

Hai.

argh

I really wanna slap myself a thousnd times.

It's like... i know i got the answer.

But i just can't remember it.

And there are so many things which i know i knew. And which use to come into my mind in a split second, things which aren't even taught before hand.

But all of a sudden i just can't remember them.

Even things thought and emphasized in class.

All i did was to make guesses.

I'm so going to be dissapointed when my results are out.

And i bet the Profs will be kinda shocked and disappointed.

Then perhaps they'll know that i'm kinda dumb afterall.

WHAT IS GOING ON?!

WHAT SHOULD I DO ABOUT THIS?

Is this mental block? Why am i having it?

What a disastrous day.

Utterly demoralising.

This feeling is like.....

A huge lump if being stuck in my chest which i'm trying either to force it down or punch it till it comes out.

Dui and Pek Chek with myself.

Bloody ass i must have been.

Damn idiotic.

Flopped anat prac.

Just had my anat pactical test (aka SPOTS).

I did badly.

Hai.

Don't know to just forget about it or what.

But i'm feeling like SHIT.

And i really mean shit.

I suspect i'm suffering from mental blocks.

And it's like happening more and more often recently.

Just yesterday, I work up with a headache. 2 panadol down but to no avail.

Went to sleep at 6. Woke up for dinner at 8pm. Slept from 9 till 8 this morning.

Sinner.

Never mug at all.

This morning was like.. slow and easy.

No sense of urgency till i was on AYE towards the school.

The test was hard. I kinda knew the answer, but couldn't remember it. If not, i'll be like.. " HUH? got this thing meh? I don't recall leh."

The bad thing is, 2 prof came to ask me how is it. I said i'm gonna do badly. Then my tutorial prof smiled and said " Let's see when we mark ur papers."

Prepared for the worse.

Next hurdle...

Oral bio next thurs.

Oral bio lectures have been not productive. cos Prof spews info as if he's talking to himself, and there's no structure nor anything, some prof tried to smoke us? lolz.

SO.. it's a "learn it all by myself, all over again from sem 1"

Goodluck man.

I'm starting to be demoralised.

Perhaps my lucky streak is running out.

Argh.

Laziness.

Complacency.

Lack of motivation.

Deceiving myself.

Argh.

It's getting scarier and scarier.

A little test.

Supposed to be easy to pass.

Now seems to be a huge battle.

Change of attitude for all.

For good, for bad.

I think mine's the latter.

Bloody crap.

last month

I need more drive,more motivation.

More self discipline.

To stop wandering off.

To stop feeling tired and wanting to sleep.

I need what i use to have last sem.

Last leap for the year.

Argh.

Anat spots

Fatigue knows no boundaries.

I hate tests.

I'm just so freaked out by how the others are mugging.

At the rate i'm going.. i just can't finish.

Exhaustion.

Nauseous.