Panic

I have no idea how i'm going to make it.

I'm starting to panick.

Yes, i'm sorry, but yes. i'm panicking somehow.

I have 10 tests in the coming month.

And my finals are like in 4 months time.

Not mentioning the additional tests that have yet been included in my organiser and the various competency tests as well as projects to hand in and lab work to choing.

I realise i don't have much time since school is REALLY from 8 to 5.

With only an hour break in between.

I'm a kan jiong spider.

Cos i know i'm not doing as well this year anymore.

And i realise that after my promos,

I only have 2 weeks of vacation before a 9 week special terms starts.

After which i only have 3 weeks of hols.

And then..

TADAH!

Year 3.

I'm not bring kiasu here, but then again i study much slower than most people do,

And my memory's poor.

so i need more time than normal people.

I'm not trying to justify why i'm doing this post.

:(

想

原来，


也只不过如此。


再也普通不过，没什么特别。


想太多，考虑太多，分析太多


未必是件好事。


迷失了真相，


模糊了重点，


回到了原点。


从新开始。


更开心。


想通了。


:)

Past week

The past week has been on of the worst in my life.

Yes. worse than the scary As.

I have no idea how i pulled through.

Worried, cried, blamed, felt despaired, fearful, lost and what not.

All sort of emotions, don't even know what i'm thinking back then and how exactly i felt.

Just blank out i guess.

Perhaps because my brothers were there that's why i was able to cope.

I have no idea how the hell i did it.

But i guess my emotions were all shown on my face that classmates came to ask me whether i'm ok and kinda.

Smses and calls of concern..

I really appreciate it.

Now that it's at least not as bad as before,

I'll make sure i'll not let history repeats itself again.

I know such things will happen no matter what,

sooner or later,

perhaps few years down the road,

it may happen again.

Perhaps just one or two more decades more and i'll have to deal with the most unbearable.

I don't know how i will be able to pull through...

And i don't dare to even think about it.

What must come will come one day.

Perhaps when that days really comes...

I may just lose my sanity.

I don't wish to think about that.

Cherish what i have now..

It's more impt than anything else

The coming month

Summary of this coming month.

1. microb test
2.removable denture test
3.pharmaco test
4.dental materials test
5. fixed prostho test
6.periapical competency x 2

suppose to have one more test,

but i don't know what that is.

I want to do well.

I will try to work hard.

Let me find back the drive i had last year.

老豆

庆幸。

学着去接受，去欣赏。

也学着去忘记，去容纳，去包容。

毕竟，人生有好多事情等着我们去体验。

在原地踏步，争论对与错，

到头来，

赢了又这么样。

耐心，原谅，看开，坚持，包容，忘记。

都是从你身上学到的。

随便一点。。。

也何尝不是一件好时。

或许这件事让大家都变了。

或许变得更成熟，

变得更不斤斤计较了。

或许这是你一直都在试着教我的。

但我一直到现在才领悟其中的奥秘。

多谢了，老豆。

:D

:)

good news.

felt relieved.

like..

although the problem still exist,

i'm still happy that it didn't take a turn for the worse.

Relieved.

dinner

during dinner...

the spoon slipped into the fish head that we were having.

me: OOooOOhh. alamak.

dad: OH MY GOD.

me: ... stunned

followed by a burst of laughter.

here's my papa and our cat.

nope, they didn't pose for the photo in case you're wondering.



These things keep me sane. :)

amazed

I'm amazed by how everyone's taking it.

Like...

how things have been handled thus far,

emotionally, mentally,verbally and all.

I guess we just didn't want to worry each other.

but i guess everyone's feeling the same way,

just that nobody is saying anything.

I'm glad somehow that life is more or less the same.

Keeps us all sane.

I hope it stays this way,

even after tml.

Hopefully what we get will be what we want.

one more day

One more day left.

How things will turn out to be,

It's more or less kinda fixed.

It's how we react to it,

how we deal with it,

what we decide to do about it.

More decisions to make,

more things to handle,

more worries to undertake.

In just one more day's time

怕怕

Sudden wave or fear.

What if things aren't going to be alright,

What if things turn out otherwise?

What should i do?

怕怕。

found a old post i'll like to publish but didn't

城市里的人，



都有着自己的问题，烦恼，担心，害怕。



有些会说，



有些选择不说。



但不论如何，



烦恼大家都会有。

Thank you

The world still turns,

The bus is still as crowded,

We still pay our ERP,

We still pay our taxes,

The sun still rises.

We still go to school,

More crowns to make, more wax-ups to do, more casts to mount,

More teeth to drill,

More things to mug,

More tests to take,

I shall take it as it comes.

I hope i can and i will.

Thanks a lot to all who know about it.

I'll face it.

no matter how bad,

I'll manage it with my best.


Thank you.

远

叹一口气。

也不知该作什么，

该怎么办。

再叹一口气，

去面对。

未来的事，

走一步看一步。

能走多远是多远。

时间有多少是多少。

有多余的，

就用功读书，

毕竟我没有多余的力去担心多一件事，

也不能再制造多一个让人担心的事。

能去多远就多远。

一瞬间，

我的世界变了。

how?

What i find myself telling others to do.

I don't know myself.

I don't know how to face it.

How to deal with it.

Or even talk about it.

I don't know how not to show it on my face,

How to pretend nothing has happened,

How to stay the same old me.

These changes.

I should have seen them earlier,

then perhaps things wouldn't have turn out this way.

I really don't know what to do.

Now and the days after, the years after.

It's something that i fear so much and i never thought it will actually happen.

I'm going insane soon.

bad

I had a bad day.

I had bad news.

I met a bad lecturer.

The weather's bad i walked back in rain.

I need to plan for bad news.

I am in bad mood.

I am absolutely showing bad facial expression.

And i almost demonstrated bad bahaviour and EQ in class.

In total,

I just had a bad day.

Not that my days have been good,

but i had a extremely bad day.

And that piece of news alone is sufficient to ruin my whole life, every single day of it.

Just don't make it come true.

What ever it is,

Don't let it be true.

And i will try to suppress my bad mood as much as i can.

I will be less snappy.

I will be at my best.

I will try.

Don't ask me.

I don't want to say anything.

I will when i want to.

Just not now when i'm down in the dumps.

24th

Alright.

it's no longer 7th.

It's this friday.

pray hard it's nthing

7 Nov.

Somehow i'm feeling kinda worried.

Worried about what the outcome will be.

Weird thoughts, bad ones mostly.

I wonder how i will handle it when the day comes.

I wonder whether i can handle it.

I wonder.

Shall just pray for the best.

Hopefully it's not going to be bad news.

It's been 4 months since it happened.

Shall hope that what ever is present,

It's not going to be bad news on the 7th.

4th day of work

I just don't feel right about certain things.

For one,

it's the new maid.

1. overslept on her 3rd and 4th day of work
2. Told me this:" no need breakfast right?" on the 1st day of work
3. Told me :" u wake up yourself ok right"
4. found that certain things in my room were left not so intact
5. Never do her job which i requested her help for despite me reminding her twice.
6. super nice to my parents, but bo chup me, then is nice again to me when my parents are back.

my goodness.

I'm just so so so exasperated.

And there's nothing i can do.

One thing for sure.

I cannot even lock my room door, though i seriously don't feel safe at all. I just find that i cannot trust her AT ALL.

TOTALLY CANNOT.

I don't have gd vibes about her.

And my parents wants me to NOT lock my room door.

So vulnerable handphones, laptops, com, cameras and what not lying around.

great.

WTH.

Is this still my home not, why do i feel so... insecure.

what is the answer?

Just had a long chat with a frien.

realised that sometimes, the way i feel, the things i think..

i'm not alone.

i guess everyone faces the same problem,

but it's just how we deal with it,

how we face it,

how we find it.

What is our calling,

why are we doing this now.

what do i want,

what is it that i do that i'll be happy abt?

sometimes..

we just can't find the answers to these answers.

i can't too.

i hope u find yours soon.

...

I am so disappointed today.

But there is nothing i can do to change it.

Just continue working.

Uncertainty, panic, regret, guilt and what not.

stress.

So disappointed, so upset.



Details in the Fabric (jason mraz)

Calm down Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
If it’s a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own name

And everything will be fine

Hang on Help is on the way
Stay strong I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
And everything
Everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?
Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
Go your own way

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Hold your own
Know your name
Go your own way.

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

pissed

Just as i have to say that last night.

I got pretty pissed today.

am is just reminded of how much i use to hate school.

perhaps disliking school isn't tat bad afterall.

makes me focus more.

friends in sch

Ok.

i do have gd friends in school.

kelvin for one,

david, and sluttzy.

:)

They makes the days much more bearable though i may nt interact with them daily.

but still..

tat makes such a big diff.

:)

so..

things aren't tat bad afterall.

just sometimes. esp when REDO is the 4 letter u dread hearing.

Not the F word. But the R word

stomach ache

My god!

I've never felt such pain before.

That wave that struck me.

Made me bend over and kneel down before i knew it.

Oh my oh my..

肚子痛的威力真强大。

Lucky ( Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait)

Do you hear me,I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

I simply love this song.

Both my fave singers for now.

It's at the side of the blog

listen to it :)

argh

I can't describe how much i hate birds and lizards.

Because i don't know who the real culprit is..

I'm just going to condemn the whole lot of them all.

Just as i thought the bird shit episode is over..

i saw another 2 piles on my going-to-be-dry laundry.

DAMN the whole lot of them.

Now...

REWASH.

and guess what.

My lab coat is involved.

Pray hard that i won't need it on monday.

stupid birds

Hand washing rocks.

But stupid birds.

chose to poo on my clean and dry laundry.

so now....

re-wash.

stupid birds.

anatomy

Had fever today.

Always seem to fall sick after/during or slightly before tests. hmmm

Broke my record for pon-ing 2 lectures 2 days in a row.

And i missed Prof Voon's lecture!

ARGH.............................

I hate myself for this.

I miss his lectures,

He's sooo good...

should have dragged myself to school and not miss the first lect, but i forgot that he's giving lect today!

:(

I miss anatomy so much.

so so so much

trust

Some things broken will never be the same.

Certain people just cannot be trusted no matter what.

pharmaco...

Had my pharmaco test today.

Chui.

blanked out.

and the MCQ is so tough.

forgot the details,

forgot quite a bit of things.

practically struggled.

sucks.

the only thing good about today is that i finally got to do all my laundry.

but the only comment i have is that.

i really don't think i like the washing machine after all.

it kinda sucks.

i support hand washing though it's killing me.

AHHhh

你们把我当什么？

argh

This is so shitty.

I flipped the whole house down for so long. still cannot find my jc notes

sickening.

i knew i had them all tgt in bundles.

now..

2 big bundles are missing

...

OK, it's my turn to be hostile.

just heard from my mum tat they got to know about this maid and is keen to employ her.

right.

personally, i don't fancy maids. not that i dun appreciate them,

but i would rather have the whole house to myself.

call me anti-social.

the thing which made me rather argh. was that she said she wanted to hear abt my opinion,

but then..

from the way she phrase it, she has already made her mind!

And even made plans etc to get the maid by TOMORROW?!!

WHAT THE HELL?!!

need to be so kan jiong ma?

so so.. everything has already been settled..

then for what come and ask me about my opinion?

right.

I know we need to get one sooner or later.

but THIS SOON?!!

my previous bad experiences( other than the one who just left) has left me rather cynical about the whole issue.

cos from the way i hear it... it just sounds kinda like a scam...

i don't know, but i just feel that way.

i know i shouldn't be so unfair to the newcomer.

i'll try.

Hopefully not another disastrous decision like what happened 4 years back.

Bye Bye empty house and home alone episodes.

heh.

i shall start visiting the library.

:)

Hostility.

I don't know whether i'm over sensitive or not.

But i guess i can't be bothered.

well, at least i am sure i didn't do anything wrong.

I am finally starting to understand what KE said.

In this field, you really cannot be too bothered about what others think of you.

so true.

let them be.

i really cannot be bothered.

i shall stick to veron's words.

Do my best.

saw Ht and siew today.

hopefully HT will get more progress in her work given today's episode with the yucky prof she was telling me about...

all the best to the rest having tests and exams too!

:)

enjoys

It's been a while since i took a real nap.

One without dreams, one which you concuss the moment your head touches the pillow.

shiok.

bad news is...

i just heard that coffee causes osteoporosis?

duno whether real nt.

but a cause for concern.

since i use 3 packets of 3-in-1 for a single cup everyday to get the boost.

pharmaco test.

die already

dental public health screening was enjoyable too.

learn a lot about dealing with people, esp patients to be.

saw many pp, esp the meddies whom went lokun in june.

talked a lot about funny pp and weird behaviour we saw.

ok. was frustrating sometimes, but we get a gd laugh after it, being amused rather that we get to meet people from all walks of life.

a gd experience indeed.

gd thing is that i'm the usher so i stay inside.

luckily not the usher-transformed-into-baby-sitter.

omg.

kinda amusing to see friends dealing with children. u really see a different side of them.

paedophilic and paedophobic people.

and those who do nothing and the kid sees them and starts crying.

haha.

bad thing.

i pang sehed s19. cos was simply too tired. so sorry abt it.

hope i didn't disappoint u all.

shall make it up for them by treating them to gd fd gd fd when i grad.

i make sure i remember. u all remember and remind me when the date draws near too ah.

:)

quack quack

don't think about it.

don't think about it.

don't even think about it.

lucky ducky. ugly duckling.

haha.

i like that it rhymes so well.

quack.

another sleepless night.

tomorrow got public health screening at IMM garden plaza from 10 to 1.

ugly duckling, lucky ducky.

don't think about it don't think about it.

quack.

QWARK!

tired

Man.. I'm so tired!

it's like.. u lie on the bed and you can't move.

then after u doze off and wake up,

your body is super warm, and ur whole body is aching and u just want to lie down for long.

oh my goodness

i am so tired.

recall previous post

ok. decided not to privatise my blog.

no need to.

it's my blog,

i shouldn't make it private and give myself and everybody around so much trouble.

mai.

i shall keep it this way.

man.. i feel so kuku

read please. :)

I have come to a conclusion.

I'm going to make my blog private...

Please let me know if u're reading and leave me your email.

thanks a lot.

somehow i'm tempted to switch to wordpress.

but then it means i'll have to learn it all over again.

and blogspot is so mafan to request emails for readers i've selected.

either case, leave a comment (NOT TAG) with ur email and your name ok?

Then i will add to the list.

:)

圆圈圈 圆圈圈

Mood takes a roller coaster ride.

Down to up and then to down and then no nowhere.

Just feeling plain grumpy now.

I like school only when i'm being left alone.

Or when i'm with friends.

I have no idea why.

It's just like a 圆圈圈。

Things are happening once again.

All the way to the start.

All over again.

圆圈圈 圆圈圈,

没尽头，没原点。

只不过是我又走了一大圈。

走啊走。

圆圈圈 圆圈圈。

for her

I hope she's feeling alright.

:)

Certain people, you just want to see them everyday and talk to them.

But the irony is,

you don't always get what you want.

Anyway, today is CHILDREN'S DAY

throw away all the bad stuff, look in front and start all over again.

I agree with what eric says.

totally.

and it kinda relieved my stress a little.

Hai, I miss S19.

nvm, 2 more years and i'm out..

Bring it on.. hahahaa

HAPPY CHILDRENS' DAY!!!

WOOOHOOOOO