CR and MI

Dental school.

When CR no longer equals to MI, it's like your passions are no longer there even when you're doing what you aspire to do..

And CR/MI slide is when you start questioning what you use to think...

And non working side interferences is when people who aren't helping you anyway tries to give u interferences in your work.

when school takes its toll on me.

Recurrent caries: Are the things i fear. Hidden from sight and it eats you slowly from within. Just like my doubts about myself.

i need to find all the CR present, no matter how good the shade selection has been. Good things are often hard to find.

Finding them is like discovering myself once more, behind all the facade of dentine colour, enamel colour.

If only CR contains all the fluoride releasing properties of GIC , then perhaps recurrent caries won't even occur and eats starts eating me away.

But to begin with, perhaps it wasn't the fault of the CR, but more of the dentine bonding agents. Perhaps there was leakage in the first place, just like how my stand wasn't as strong to begin with.

That's how bacteria gets to seep in, and how recurrent caries can start eating me away.

I hope i don't ever need a crown.

Cos when that happens, it's when all hopes of finding myself again seem to be lost.

And i start wearing a mask to hide myself from the others and i forget how i look originally.

Recurrent caries can occur, if i continue to allow myself to lose me.

And it becomes a vicious circle, when what is left, the core, the crown prep, gets eaten away.

That's when i lose what is remaining, my morals, my integrity, my principles.

It's scary.

Cos ultimately, when the crown can't even stay on..

The tooth gets extracted.

That's when my mind dies, emotionally, mentally, psychologically.

I hope i'll never need a filling, and NEVER a crown.

I won't allow myself to be extracted.

That's a dentist's worst nightmare.

Marriage

Today,

a classmate of mine brought in good news for us.

He proposed to his girlfriend.

To be honest, i was kinda shocked that he has made up his mind, he has decided who to be with for the rest of his life.

At this rather young age.

But it was then i realise,

Hey, we aren't THAT young anymore,

The girls are 21, the guys are 23, it's also about time to start finding someone to settle down with.

And what more hongkong isabella yeung gave birth when she hasn't even hit 21?!

And she's like freaking younger than me? WTH.

but yea, anyway,

it just seems too scary for me.

At this age,

i mean seriously.... what do we know?

Marriage, ROM, give birth? huh?

What are we prepared for? Are we really sure? Is that the RIGHT person?

When it comes to this kinda things,

I get super passive.

I don't think i've enjoyed myself enough,

I don't think a relationship is gonna make a big difference,

I don't think i'll die without a boyfriend or when i get dumped.

I don't think i'll stand that kind of behavioural limitations,

I don't know what's so great about being in a relationship,

I don't know what's so happy to have someone else in my life.

I don't see the excitment or joy in doing things that ppl in a relationship do.

And most importantly,

I don't see myself being attached.

And i am not exactly comfortable with the idea of being attached. The thought of it turns me off hugely sometimes.

heh heh.

To sum it off,

I don't think i am ready for it.

I must say while i am in disbelief about this, i kinda envy him that he has found his someone.

And i've got to admit that i do feel the pressure building up.

But, at the end of it all,

I think my mentality has to change somehow, someday...or i can get ready to live with my cat/cats in for the rest of my life.

Maybe life is not all about teeth, saliva , tongue, drills and books.

but i guess the biggest change in the future is..

everything else minus the books.

Perhaps, who knows for sure.

Maybe i'll get married tomorrow.

Heh..

Wad a BIG 'maybe.'

Not even in your dreams.

Fat hope.

Meow.

And don't be rude --> I'm not a lesbian.