Christmas

Christmas isn't really merry for me.

It doesn't really brings me happiness nor anything. Instead, it's a entirely different thing for me.

It's weird, but yes, it gives me funny emotions every year, especially so on the 24th of december each year.

Just as the clock strikes 12, i will most often be spending this time alone in my room, with a cup of hot tea and gazing into space... thinking of god knows what.

It's weird eh, but this has been happening for years now and i've gotten used to it.

Not that i feel sad or what.. but it's definitely not happiness during christmas.

Somehow i'm also not sure of what emotions i'm feeling.

Melancholy seems to be the word which is most apt in this situation, though not 100% so.

Maybe mirthless too ? Well, maybe. I don't know.

Despite not giving me feelings or happiness and what not, i do not detest christmas though.

It just holds different meanings for me.

Christmas is a gift i give myself each year.

Maybe one day, christmas will change too.

And that will be when the meanings it holds for me changes too.

Hopefully that's for the better.

For now,

Merry Christmas everyone.