certain thoughts

I admit i am anti-social towards certain groups of people.

But not going out with them or anything, is because i want to have the choice to hang out with the people i want to.

And not be there physically when i jolly well know i will be much happier elsewhere instead.

Sometimes i wonder....

What did i do?

Why can't i lead my life the way i want it to be, when i know it is not going to affect other people?

Not going out with the rest..

Does it make me an oddball, does it make me a freak?

Why do i have to put up with all these remarks and stereotype?

Do they assume that i am like that when they don't even know me, not to say know me well.

I know these are said in a joking manner...

But this is sem 2, being asked where my loyalty lies and bearing comments abt me being anti-social is still going on?

Why don't people respect other's choice and individuality.

Some people just like to be more independent and just chooses to open themselves to selective people.

Is that a sin? Is that forbidden? Is that wrong?

Can't i choose who i want my friends to be?

Knowing someone doesn't necessarily means that they are our friends. Knowing is knowing. Being friends is another issue.

Somehow, this is a grey area.

I want to focus on my studies. i know what is required of me, and i work towards that.

Being serious in class and attentive is my responsibility as a student and a form of respect for the rest and the lecturer.

Is that going to make me an oddball too?

Clarifying my doubts AFTER the lecture ends so that i don't delay lecture time.

Is THAT wrong too? If not, why do i have to get questions from others asking me: " got so many qns to ask meh? why you always ask so many qns?"

And when there are also others doing the same thing, why is that i am always the target for such remarks?

I won't question whether is it fair, since the world is always never fair.

All that i ask for is peace.

Why can't it be granted?

I didn't say anything to offend anyone, because i don't usually interact.

Then why is it that i always recieve such remarks. No matter how harmless they are, how jokingly it has been put across.

Why does it always need to have "subtle" underlying meanings?

To a point i've become immune.

I's starting to not feel anything about it anymore.

No frustration, no anger, no disgust or what not.

Simply no emotions.

Just a whole load of questions.

I'm beginning to wonder if i made the right choice, did the right thing.

I am starting to dread what i used to think is all that i wanted.

Fight for peace?

What an irony. How can you fight and expect to get peace as the ultimate result?

Fighting never leads to peace.

Tolerance does.

Let it be bestowed onto me then.