Happy birthday

Just barely 3 days ago,

I've decided that birthdays are no longer important for me. Just another day to be spent mugging and perhaps an hour more of rest.

I didn't expect anything for this year.

And i guess that's when you least expect things to happen, they happen.

Initially i thought i'll be having a quiet birthday like last year.

Then the dinner and lunch invitations came.

Got my first present from Ash, Siew and Reg just now during the dinner as well as a Andersen's treat from Ash.

Then got a call from my cousin at 11.58. She's ill. And i felt so bad about not being able to meet up with them for dinner to celebrate my birthday. They're always the first few to be there for me when i turn a year older. And i felt so bad, so so bad, for telling her i can't make it, then after that having loads of appointments suddenly. I felt so sorry.

12.01, my first birthday nudge from Qiyuan. Didn't expect him to remember and it came as a surprise. Thanks a lot.

12.02 Ouyang send me an msn msg wishing me happy birthday. This darling never fail to wish me every year for the past 7 years. Thank you so much.

Then it was Mark, thanks dude, really sorry i can't be there for you when you needed help but you always never fail to remember my birthday and wish me EVERY single year for the past 5 years. Thanks dude. Meet up soon k?

Then recieved sms from Marcus. Haha 10 years already. How time flies. Thanks marcus, yeap. it's today. you didn't remember wrongly.

Then, another cousin sent me a msg. She never fails to remember my birthday for the past 20 years. Although i can't stay at her house as often, but i appreciate EVERY thing that she has done for me. Thanks Lixia.

Regina, Ling, Another cousin(Guan Zhen), Hsiu Tzu wished me happy birthday too.

Thanks reg, siew and ash for being there for the past 3 years and going through thick and thin in JC with me. I'm glad that i got to know you guys.

Thanks ah ash, for remembering that my birthday, though you got the dates wrong and wished me on the 25th midnight instead. Haha. Thank you.

Ling, Ouyang and Cai, thanks for putting in so much effort to accomodate my time so we can meet up on my birthday. Thank you all so much for giving me that ULTIMATE surprise birthday amazing race back in 2006. I'll never forget it. 7 years of friendship and still ongoing. Thanks a lot girls. Sorry i may not be able to be ther for you all the time, and not being able to attend meet ups due to my schedule. Thanks for being so accomodating. :)

Hsiu Tzu, I hope i've got to know you so much better back in J1 and J2. But i'm glad that we worked together last year and i thank the Almightly for letting me have such a great friend like you. Thank you for being there for me when i'm down, patting my back when i needed it the most. Thank you so much.

Guan zhen. Thanks so much for accompanying me at Music Lib and laughing with me and not at me when i'm having my Dumb blonde moments. Haha. We shall have a cousins muggin club when Lixia joins the club yeah?

Thank you Mei Yan and William for remembering me Birthday. Sorry William i forgot to wish you happy birthday on the 15th Feb, but you didn't forget mine. Jia you for your final year. I'll do my best to make the line proud!

Mei Yan, though i've not known you for long, you're one of my closer friends in FOD. Thanks a lot for being so meticulous. Thank you for your wish that i'll smile more and laugh more like i use to be. i'll try my best. Thank you so much.

Kenny, thanks for the sms ah. Don't worry, i won't grow fat from the food one. Thanks for remembering that it's my birthday.

I ddn't expect so much.

What really touched me is the little gestures that people do to show that they care. Although it may seem small and insignificant to others, it means a lot to me.

I was expecially surprised to recieve a call from Jie Jie. I was feeling so bad about not being to have dinner with them.She never fails to cheer up my day, and she never forgets my birthday for the past 20 years too and i felt so bad about not being able to do so this year.

Then she called me a while after 12. To ask me to look out of my window.

Faintly, i saw the flickering of candle lights. They brought a Birthday cake to my doorstep!

A simple birthday celebration, only the 3 of us and a simple birthday song. Made me feel so special, so loved. I didn't expect them to turn up at such an hour. Somehow they always turn up when i needed someone the most. I am so happy i've got my cousins in my life.

It's so hard to describe how i feel now. And i can never find the word to describe how i feel towards my cousins. It's a mixture of everything good and nothing bad. I suppose when you truely love someone, you love them for who they are and you just can't find a reason to justify why.

Love doesn't need to have any explanations, it doesn't need to be justified nor does it have to be always mentioned.

It is felt with the heart.

I don't think i can do as much as what they have done for me and i thank God for giving me such wonderful people people in my life.

The past year hasn't been smooth sailing. It was tough hanging on, difficult to maintain my beliefs.

Sometimes i do find myself losing my direction in life, even worse, losing myself along the way.

Too much time was spent pursuing what i wanted so much, that i've neglected so many people.

That i've been so engrossed with that speck of dust in my eye to appreciate the beauty of my surroundings all these while.

I really didn't expect all these to happen.

Perhaps that's why i'm so touched that i can't help it but cried.

Not tears of sadness nor anger, but joy and guilt.

Guilt for doing what i shouldn't have done. Joy for having so many special people in my life, who goes all the way out to make my day special, who makes me feel different, who makes the effort to remember and wish me and for being with me and accepting me for who i am, someone who is not flawless, someone who is often a devil who brings hell into other people's lives.

Thank you all for being there.

The 1st time i cried happily was when i graduated from FHSS. The second time was when i recieved the letter for the interview and selection test for dentistry last year. The third time was today.

It's when you don't expect that you treasure and cherish what you have. And that's when you really see the beauty of whatever you have.

I believe, material gains will never be able to replace anything that comes from the heart.

When it comes from the heart, it's when it'll be the most precious.

Thank you to all of you.

Happy birthday to myself.