Gratitude. 1 more to the big 2.

Pardon my typos etc.

It's my last day being 19.

Into the big 2 soon.

The year hasn't really been enjoyable. I hasn't really smiled nor laugh my heart out for a long time.

But it's in these times where i find my friends.

I didn't look forward to tuesday initially, to me, it's just another day going to be spent mugging.

I thought i'll spend it alone.

I didn't think that there will be people who'll remember, since even i, myself, almost forgot that it's coming.

Then...

Meetings from S19, Coow, penguins, cousins and miss yeo.

I'm happy, yet at the same time i feel guilty too.

I've been mugging so hard sometimes i think i've neglected some of them. Not fair to them.

Sometimes i'm afraid whether i'll be able to sustain a conversation properly after losing touch for so long. To the extend that i may even be afraid of having nothing to say, to reply or to start a conversation.

I'm so thankful that i've got them. I do constantly remind myself that i have friends outside whenever i feel out of place in school now.

And that is always ever so comforting.

I don't want to hide my emotions. Nothing to hide.

I want to show my gratitude. I don't take my friends for granted and i make it a point never to forget my first encounter with them nor the silly things that we use to do.

Till now, i can still remember how i met everyone of my friends on our first encounter.

I'll never forget that bday surprise coow gave me in 2006, and the RED LACY thong and the "lucy" nickname s19 gave me. The dinners and long chats with Miss yeo, the meetups with penguins, the late nights out with cousins etc etc.

I am thankful that i get to live to this age, to have food, shelter, clothing, education and lots of love, tolerance and understanding from my parents and the people around me.

I really appreciate it when my friends ask me to sleep early, tell me not to mug too hard and tire myself out, how they will give me calls and smses to ask me how i am, how they will ask me to be happy, how they will say sorry for evoking bad memories whenever they ask me how is school now, how they will call me lucy, how they will say "YO ah kuan", how they will listen to my woes, talks to me on msn, buys me food occasionally, sits with me during my physio lectures, bear with my tantrums, look at me while i cry, laugh with my and NEVER at me, experience air headed and ultra dumb blonde moments with me and sends me smses to ask me to jia you, how they read my blog religiously( i know u do, come on, just admit haha) and how they will ask me whether i'm alright after reading my entries.

And to my cousins and Yan Xiang, how much they dote on me, how much patience they took to teach me how to swim, how they will take the effort to send me home and make sure i'm safe and sound, how they will specially just buy the sweet potatoes from IMM and deliver to my door step when i'm so busy i can't go out, how they will buy Ben and Jerry and bring to me specially, how they will surprise me with a christmas present, how they will always pay for my meals when i'm out, crack silly jokes with me and laugh along at my air headed moments, how they will bring me out when i'm so so stressed and cheer me up when i'm at my lowest and of course, mugging with me, giving in to me, bringing me out and making me feel so so so loved.

I have great parents and it'll be impossible to write down what they've done. For one, they gave birth to me and gave me more than what i asked for in the past 19 years and 364 days.

I know i am a devil at times, and that happens ever so often.

But i still do count my blessings. I still appreciate what others do for me though i don't say it.

We are all so fortunate, it's just that sometimes we forget to see what we have for the society has moulded people in a way to just focus on what we do not have.

Little things need not be said, they are felt.

Thank you.

Welcome 20. 1 more day.

:)