trashing

I'm trashing things out.

I'm tired, and i'm at the verge of giving up.

To not give a damn anymore.

To just let things be and let things turn for the better or worse, whichever the case is.

But somehow,

i always feel this responsibility to take charge of things to make things run smoothly and efficiently.

Simply can't afford for things to drag and snowball.

Time is extremely precious and we all know that given the workload.

It tires me to always be the bad guy,

criticizing, saying things and trashing things out hoping that situations will improve, behaviours will improve.

To make life easier for me, for you.

It doesn't seem to work.

I tried to not give a damn, but then...

I can't just let things be when it's gonna affect others negatively when the issue is how emotions are dealt with.

Sometimes, we need to use our brains and not our hearts.

Perhaps i'm using my brains too much,

i may appear indifferent, cold, hard, harsh or whatever crap.

I don't really care if i appear in the bad light, as the domineering one or even the controlling party.

cos if i don't, i can't get things running smoothly.

It's my flaw, i regconize that and i try to change and be more people orientated, to love what i use to hate.

Sometimes, people just misunderstands.

Not because they don't see. But it's precisely because they only see, and not understand. Assume what they see and not understand what they see, and see only the superficial

And i don't bother to explain to others who aren't involved, cos it doesn't help to include more people into the issue. and i see no point in trying to explain to others who don't understand, but thinks they understand and tries to stick their nose in.

I see no point in wasting my time and energy in dealing with these people.

In "The Last Lecture" it was written like this : When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that mean's they've given up on you.

Yeah, that stuck with me somehow.

But perhaps, it's time to just don't say anything. It seems better to be selfish and just zip up.
Makes life more enjoyable for everyone, less taxing and less stressful. Problems may arise and i just make sure i don't create troubles for others. other's problems i shall let them settle themselve. Just that somehow i'm always find myself being approached by others to help settle their probs. i believe that if i ever cook up a prob, i try and make sure it does not affect other people, if it does, i make sure i remedy it myself as much as i can.

perhaps i shouldn't expect other to do that too.

Maybe what this friend of mine said is true : " you cannot be concious of how others think of u, if not u can never survive in our environment. That is one hard truth i found out after i came here."

That stuck with me too.

Perhaps that is Oooo so true.

Ultimately it's gonna end soon, but i want to be a responsible dentist to my patients. I want to give them my best, if i can't, i won't give anything at all.

Do it once, do it well.

Can't do it well, then don't do it at all.

I call that responsibility.

If we don't have responsibility, then we don't have the right to do anything at all.

If we even do anything,

That's plain selfish.