ARGH. This is not a fireball.

i don't know what's wrong with me. I'm in the course of my dream, but i'm just not happy though i very much wish and thought i will be.
Physio is likeable, anatomy is interesting, Operative dentistry is fun, biochem is alright, dental morpho and oral bio are understandable and intriguing, dental materials and cariology are ok too. i'm easily a happy mugger. But why am i still so unhappy there?

Maybe it has got to do with my attitude when i first enter, maybe, i don't know. Jus can't seem to be on the right frequency with many though it will be gd to be. Maybe it's really because i wasn't there for orientation, maybe because i'm just too independent, maybe because i'm just not a cliquish person, maybe because of my reluctance, maybe because.... i don't know. i know it's not good, but i realise i'm not really doing anything about it. I'm just not proactive in such things and dun really join unless people ask me too. but yeah, i just dislike the idea of hanging around people whom i'm not close to and frankly speaking, all in all, i tink it's my attitude that's causing the problems. but I am still not going to do anything about it, despite all the misunderstandings they may have about my character, but heck, they dun know me well enough in the first place.

i do really wonder whether i made the right choice now. But to think about it, i think i will still choose this path, cos i jolly well understood how it felt when i didn't get in the first place. the hollowness, the emptiness, the disappointment and lost of direction and disillusion. I suppose u'll understand what i'm talking about only when u've really lost something that means the world to you. That's y i'm worrying because althoughi got what i wanted, i am not happy. I should be contented and not ask for more. but i just wonder y i am unhappy, cos i should be over the moon(yes, initially).

I suppose the only thing that is really keeping me going and making me look forward to school is nothing other than meeting my SCIENCE FAC friends and the vision of completing my 4 years and obtaining my BDS.Frankly speaking, other than that, i cannot think of anything else. After this 4 years, I'm seriously gonna get OUT OF HERE. I just don't feel like i belong there AT ALL, more like a extra being who mugs realy hard, talks really little, shiam after lessons really fast, always stays to ask the prof questions or that who knows what person who always sits at a corner and hangs around selective beings( maybe being) in class.

Oh my gosh, where did that crazy and crappy kuanyee been to? where is that kuan yee who always hangs around and craps in class with eric and gang been to? Where is the happy kuanyee who grins from ear to ear and talks rubbish been to?
I have no idea. what faces me is a grumpy one who does incessant complaining. and i HATE that.
I need to be more positive i realise. i need to take a back seat and hang out with my friends more. I need to find s19, coow, njcsb and all my nj friends more. i NEED to be happy man..

I need to find myself back. I mustn't lose faith.