(In case you are wondering, fireball is the way i describe issues that pisses me off in this blog.)
It always happen, i don't know why, but sometimes i just find solace in mugging cos it brings my mind off certain things in life. It happens when i know i am disappointed, upset of unhappy about some aspects of my life and all i wanna do is to mug my brains out, get all tired over, hoping that after sleeping all frustrations just goes away.
I guess what i lack now is a little spice in life, a little more happiness, a little more laughter, a little more understanding in life.
It does upsets me when people take my words at face value without thinking deeper into it, or just assume what they think i am feeling when they don't know it at all. I think many have misunderstood me, maybe it's the impression i give, but i just hope they stop assuming things and put the emotions they think i am feeling onto me. It's just not fair right? How can they assume how i feel when they don't even get things clear in the first place? They are just imposing what they think i should feel onto me, which is so darn unfair, but well, nothing is fair in the world. I realised.
Things have changed, times have changed, people change too. But i wonder why some people are just stuck at the stereotype they have of other people when the world has moved on? It seems more likely that it is their own mindset that needs some adjustments.
But seriously, i think i'm so used to it that i'm sick of clarifying myself everytime. It is to the extend where i just let things be since i can't be bothered anymore, I've really taken a back seat in life in terms of such things, people think all they want, misunderstand me all they want. I may be well informed of these misunderstandings etc, but somehow, i just can't be bothered, It's not that i'm pissed, sad or what ever, but it has gotten to a point where i realise i shan't waste my time on people who assumes they know me when all they know is to take my words at face value without thinking more in depth about certain issues and the way i react. Sometimes people don't even give some thought and assumes things without even clarifying it in the first place and kick up a stupid big fuss over it. It's not that i feel upset or what, it's just that i give up trying to convince people when in the first place, the problem lies in the very assumptions they have and the stereotype/ impression that they have imprinted in their minds. But well, i suppose that is what is happening around the world in general isn't it? I mean, just look at causes of terrorism. To us, they are terrorists, but to them, we may have been the terrorist in their lives for don't know how long. Not that i support terrorism, so don't quote me on that.
Heck, i just can't really be bothered, let them think and say what they want, i just be myself. Follow the path my mum took, take my own stand and not lean against any wall just because everyone is doing the same thing. That's my dignity in life, believe what i believe in. Maybe that seems stubborn, but well, i think i should at least have the courage to face myself and live the way i want, not live the way other people would prefer, not lead my life the way which others think it should be. I don't want to live my life trying to please people all the time and losing myself along the way cos ultimately, i'm not being truthful to myself. That is just being a hypocrite and trying to be someone whom i know i'm not.
I guess when i can't be bothered, i REALLY can't be bothered anymore. They think what they want, i do what i want as long as it doesn't bring any inconvenience, heck whether they like it or not. The way i do things or respond to issues may not be what they think is appropriate, but i mean, if it doesn't affect them at all, i don't think they have the right to interfere.
I'm getting rebellious all over again. I don't know whether that is considered cool or not, but i know i'm not a cool person. I just stick to what i believe and do what i think is right as long as it doesn't harm other people. Well, it may not be something very pleasing sometimes, but i do things with a intention in mind, and i make sure that intention, if it includes other people, is a good one, even if the result may be otherwise due to other considerations.
If only we all give more thought to things and issues in life, there will definitely be less misunderstandings and conflicts.
Shall return to mugging. At least it makes me happier. Imagine a happy mugger, oh my gosh. What joys do i have in mind man?
Such things, i've noticed, happens all over the world everyday.
My Paulgoldin test again. Often changing but ever so true.
You are trying to establish yourself and make an impact despite the fact that everything around you seems to be against you - putting up barriers, but don't be unduly concerned: you have the right ideas and come what may, they will soon be manifested and appreciated.
You are an emotional and sensitive person. You are inclined to delight and wallow in all things that give pleasure to your senses but nevertheless your tastes are refined and you reject anything that is indecent or vulgar.
Circumstances are holding you back, forcing you to back off and to forgo all the pleasures, fun and games for the time being. But this is only a temporary situation and before you even know it the situation could change.
Your stress and anxiety are a result of an emotional disappointment. It could well be that the emotional relationship is no longer running smoothly and you have come to the end of your tether. On the one hand you would like to free yourself from this relationship altogether, yet on the other hand, you don't want to lose anything nor risk the uncertainty of throwing away something - something that's precious, something that could be the 'Real Thing'. Perhaps for the first time in your life you really don't know which way to go and it is these contradictory emotions that are causing you the untold stress. You are pretending to the world that you don't care but even this air of pretence is causing you much heartache.
You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.
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